The Altruism Bluff
At a Party:
a: Would you like the last piece of apple pie ?
b: (thinks for a short while and then politely refuses)
a: *munch munch*
The most common dictionary definition of altruism is: "Unselfish concern for the welfare of others". In other words this means that you value the needs of others above yours and act accordingly. As todays society becomes harder and more selfish all the time people are beginning to question whether true altruism really exists. This -admittedly important- question has already been raised in popular culture TV series Friends as well as by 19th century philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche (of which the latter makes an excellent, almost buddhistic point). But that's not what I'm interested in today. No, I would like to warn you for a new form of sneaky-bastardy-ism (yes, I'm introducing new terms on the fly) that has found its way into our lifes: the altruism bluff.
Whether you like it or not, there will come a time in your life when you and someone else will be deadlocked glazing at the last remaining piece of delicious apple pie. A true altruistic being would value the desire of the other person higher than his own and therefore would never order up that ultimate slice. And in comes the sneaky bastard with its sneaky-bastardy-ism (I need to put in a serious effort to make this a common term) ways. By asking whether you would like to have the last piece of pie this person will automatically be perceived as an altruistic and polite being as he seemingly would be more than happy to give you the last piece. Unfortunately in doing so you feel morally obliged to be at least as altruistic/polite so you almost always give a polite no which leaves the door wide open for the other person to grasp that final piece. And so he wins twice.
Now, you may say, who cares ? It's just a piece of delicious apple pie. It doesn't matter ! But you are wrong: The altruism bluff can be used in many of lifes varying situations such as there are: cherry pie, cheese cake, banana cream pie and even pizza pies. No really, the altruism bluff will be used a lot more against you than you might think. It alwayss follow the same pattern: First the sneaky bastard will ask you a simple and seemingly innocent question. Second you feel honoured that the sneaky bastard is so nice to leave all options open. Third you feel obligated to return the favour and/or be polite which will always lead you to the answer the sneaky bastard had anticipated.
A very similar example is when a certain person asks you any sort of question/favour in which both sender and recipient know what the 'correct' answer is. This technique is often used by a very peculiar species of people named "women", who we all know are better at being sneaky bastards than most men. Before we fire up our torches and check their noses for warts (is their really anyone who would like to click a link titled "warts" ?), realise that you can hardly blame someone for having better insights into human behaviour and psychology. So step up a gear yourself: don't listen to the words but observe their behaviour, intonation and put yourself in the shoes of the other person. You'll be amazed how easy it is to spot the real intentions and feelings.
Whatever you do now, don't ever fall for the trap again. If someone asks the question, realise that you really have all options and give the answer that you want. If someone plays with you, don't hesitate to play back.
Disclaimer: Acknowledging and being able to call the altruism bluff may lead to some overeating and in extreme cases weight gain. We do not accept any legal responsibility for that. However if you wish to give us moral responsibility, try and find the contact page.
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